The Horrors of Being King
by FlatFox
Summary: It wasn't his place to burden them.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just a short, tiny one-shot.**

 **However, if you want me to expand on this a little, let me know and maybe I will ;)**

* * *

People each had their own problems and it wasn't in Ben's place to burden them with his.

And so he was always smiling. Always offering encouragement and advice. No matter how he really felt.

It was his duty to be the best person he could be.

The strong leader.

Making sure everyone was ok.

And so he hid everything.

From his parents.

His advisors.

His friends.

His girlfriend.

They didn't need to know.

Didn't need to be bothered.

And so he smiled.

Encouraged.

Everyone loved him.

No one knew.

* * *

 **Written for a friend.**

 **Thanks for reading and please leave a review!**

 **-FlatFox**


	2. Chapter 2

**Since several people have expressed interest in this being continued, I decided to write another short part to this idea.**

* * *

Ben flopped onto his bed, feeling worn out and lonely. He didn't want to talk to anyone else today.

Someone knocked on the door and Ben groaned into his pillow before flipping onto his back. "Come in," he called.

Audrey flew into the room, tears in her eyes. "Benny, just the worst thing happened," she wailed pitifully. "Everyone seems to like Lonnie better than me..."

Ben sat up and Audrey sat next to him, leaning against him. He put his arm around her. "Hey. It's ok. No one should compare people because everyone is too different to try to compare." He stroked her hair gently.

She sniffed a little and snuggled against his shoulder. "Thanks, Bennyboo." She smiled up at him.

Ben forced a smile, trying to not let the weariness show through. "Glad I could help."

"What are you doing?" Audrey glanced around the room.

Inwardly, Ben screamed. "Nothing much. Just being by myself."

"Oh. I don't count, right?"

 _Everyone counts_ , he thought miserably in his head, but out loud he replied, "Of course not!"

"Good because I have nothing else to do today!"

* * *

 **Please leave a review or PM me if you find this interesting and/or if you want me to continue. If it does not do well, I will be taking it down under the assumption that it mars the beauty of the first chapter.**

 **Thank you for understanding.**

 **-FlatFox**


	3. Chapter 3

It was so much stress. He pushed away his meal. He couldn't eat. Too much stress.

It was slowly killing him, at this rate.

He felt a hand clap onto his back. "Son, I'm proud of you. You're already acting like a king, even at your young age. You handle stress magnificantly."

Ben smiled up at his dad. "Thanks, Dad," he replied.

"I'm going out golfing with your mother, ok?"

"Ok. Have fun!" Ben replied cheerfully.

He took another bite of food. The nausea hit him again and he struggled not to gag.

He forced down the mouthful of food and quickly took a drink.

He was going to throw up.

 _Calm._

 _Deep breaths._

 _You can do it._

 _Just like all the other times._

He had eaten enough. For today at least.

He went over the list in his head. A banana, a couple of crackers, a piece of cheese. And now this tiny piece of lasagna he had barely touched.

Enough for today.

* * *

 **Thank you to 11Sunshine for inspiring me to continue this story!**

 **Please leave a review and tell me what you think. Don't be a stranger!**

 **-FlatFox**

 **P.S. Almost daily updates on this story are on my author page. So if you're interested, check it out :)**


	4. Chapter 4

He was getting thinner, that was for sure. He could feel it. The way his clothes fit him. And he just knew.

But that wasn't the worst.

He didn't want to eat anymore.

He was fighting.

Every day.

He was never good enough for himself.

Everything he messed up stood out to him.

He couldn't be how he wanted to be.

And so he felt he should starve himself.

To punish himself.

For not being perfect.

The despair was growing.

He could barely keep up in tourney anymore. The lack of food made him weak.

Even if he wanted to eat, he barely could.

The pressure was too much.

The stress weighing him down.

His body rejecting food.

* * *

 **Short one, I know, but there wasn't anything more to say.**

 **Please leave a review and let me know what you think.**

 **-FlatFox**


	5. Chapter 5

**I finally officially have a time frame for this story. For the past four chapters I didn't really have one in mind, but now I do, so things will be less confusing, maybe? ;P**

* * *

He had always wondered about the kids from the Isle. And so when he decided as his first proclamation to bring four Isle kids to Auradon, his parents should not have been so shocked.

They deserved a chance. Everyone deserved a chance.

And so he faced their entrence like a true king should, Audrey at his side. It wasn't a horrible greeting, but it could have been better.

But he couldn't help thinking. What was their burden? Everyone had one.

He showed them through the castle doors, only to be dragged away by Audrey as soon as Doug had appeared.

"They're such idiots. And messy. Ew." Audrey hissed in his ear.

"Audrey," he warned her. "They're people just like us. They need to be given a chance."

"Well don't expect me to be nice to them. I am a princess, after all."

"And I'm a king and I'm the one giving them a chance."

"Don't you love me?"

He didn't know how to answer.

"Of course you do," she glanced around the deserted hallway and then kissed him. And then she was gone.

Ben walked slowly to his room. Did he love her? He didn't know anymore. They had grown up basically knowing they were going to get married some day. It was practically an arranged marriage for as much as Ben was involved in it. But she wasn't the same anymore.

Did he love her?

He shut the door to his room behind him and sank down to the ground in front of the door, his back leaning against it. He put his head in his hands. And wanted to cry.

He couldn't cry. It was physically impossible.

He just wanted to cry.

And so the despair remained, soaking into him.

* * *

 **Well... what did you think?**

 **Please leave a review and let me know!**

 **-FlatFox**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning! Spoiler for All's Fair Chapter 8!**

 **Note: This is NOT Benlos! If you want to read it as such, go ahead, but it was not written to be Benlos.**

 **Trigger warnings may apply.**

* * *

The first one he discovered was Carlos.

Ben could tell how disappointed Carlos was when Coach Jenkins told Carlos he should probably look into doing something that wasn't tourney.

Ben never liked when someone was unhappy, so he took the opportunity. "I'll help him," he told his coach. Coach Jenkins agreed.

Who knows, maybe he could get to know Carlos better.

The first time Ben and Carlos met to train, Carlos showed up in his usual jacket and shorts.

"I don't think you're going to want to keep that jacket on," Ben laughed.

Carlos, in reply, just stiffened and said nothing.

Ben stopped laughing. Clearly this was something that bothered Carlos. He quickly changed the subject. "Ok, why don't we work on sprints first?"

Soon it was clear that Carlos was majorly sweating in his jacket.

Ben said nothing.

Eventually, Carlos relented and took of his jacket. But his arms remained glued to his sides.

Soon, though, he seemed to forget, and he slowly un-stiffened.

And that's when Ben saw.

Scars.

Hundreds.

No, thousands of them.

Littering his arms.

There were cuts.

Burns.

But the worst of all

was on the inside of his right arm.

The word "worthless."

Carved into his skin as if his arm had merely been something to write on.

Ben felt sick.

He had a horrible feeling that some of Carlos's scars weren't self-inflicted.

* * *

 **Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

 **Also, if you are interested in Carlos's back story (how did he get those scars?) check out my story All's Fair in Hell and War!**

 **-FlatFox**


	7. Chapter 7

**I know, I've already published one today, but I'd rather publish them at night, instead of in the morning. But hey, all the better for you guys, right? ;)**

* * *

He knew he could turn to Doug for advice.

And so, after much debate, he decided to talk to him.

When Doug walked into Ben's office, Ben suddenly realized his heart was beating quickly and he inhaled sharply. Was this the right thing to do?

Doug sat down at the other side of his desk. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah..."

"Ok."

"So I decided to help Carlos train for tourney. Coach thought he wasnt very good, but he wanted to play, so I offered to train him. But when he took off his jacket... I saw..." He trailed off, at a loss for words. "Scars," he whispered. "Hundreds of them."

Doug's face betrayed no emotion. "Self harm?"

"Maybe some of them, but I don't think all of them.". He paused. "On the inside of his right arm, there's a word carved into his skin."

"What does it say?"

"Worthless," Ben choked out. His heart hurt. "How many more are there?"

Doug sat silently.

"I think I want to talk to them about it, but I don't want to offend them. I don't want to scare them away. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe try to talk to them about it, but don't push for answers?"

"Yeah... maybe..." He felt far away. The pain hurt something deep within him. "Thanks, Doug."

"No problem." Doug got up to leave, but then turned back. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

The door closed softly behind Doug and suddenly Ben was sobbing, the pain too deep inside him.

He was sobbing for Carlos, and all the horrible memories scared into his skin.

He was sobbing for Mal and Evie and Jay for who knows what had happened to them.

He was sobbing for all of the children still stuck on the Isle of the Lost.

He was sobbing for himself.

The responsibilities.

The pressure.

The stress.

And then,

suddenly,

it was over.

He could cry no more.

* * *

 **Well, what did you all think?! Please leave a review!**

 **To everyone who did review, thank you so much! You have no idea how much I appreciate every single review. You guys keep me writing!**

 **-FlatFox**

 **P.S. For those of you who don't know, physically not being able to cry is a real thing that seems to sometimes happen when the mind is going through intense emotional difficulties.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Today's chapter is a three-part. I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

It was a typical day for him. School. Studying. Preparing for being king.

And a tourney game.

Ben hoped he could get through the whole thing without collapsing. It had become more and more difficult to not collapse during each practice.

And suddenly he was madly attracted to Mal. He didn't know how it happened, but she was the most attractive girl he had ever laid eyes on. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to... no. He must think proper thoughts as a future king.

After the tourney game, during which he did not collapse, he may or may not have sung an song in front of the entire school about how much he loved her.

* * *

Soon after these events, he took Mal out on a picnic to the Enchanted Lake. Audrey had loved picnics, so Mal had to like them.

It was hot. He was wearing a suit. And so, he decided to go swimming. The minute his body touched the water a fog he didn't even know was there lifted from his brain.

She had spelled him. This was his first realization.

Audrey.

He realized much too late exactly what he had done to Audrey. Hell, he didn't know what had even happened to her these last few days. He had been so focused on Mal.

Drowning himself flitted past his thoughts, but he remembered vaguely that it was impossible to drown oneself consciously.

But suddenly he was interrupted from his thoughts by Mal accidentally almost drowning and he thought of killing himself no more.

Once they were somewhat dry again, he ventured a question.

"Mal?"

"Yeah?"

"Why does Carlos have so many scars on his arms?"

She stiffened, but said nothing.

"Did his mother do it?"

"You don't need to know that."

Ben took that as a yes, but did not comment. "I'm your king. I think I should know."

"Good for you," was Mal's angry retort. "Like you care what happens on that fucking hell of an island."

"You wouldn't be here if I didn't care," Ben replied softly.

She did not reply.

* * *

As soon as Ben got back from the picnic, he went in search of Audrey.

It didn't take long. She was in her room.

When he knocked at her door, she opened it and then began to shut it again at the sight of him.

"Wait."

She stopped.

"I need to talk to you. Please."

She let him in.

He began. "I am... so sorry. I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to break up with me?!" she spat. "You didn't mean to humiliate me in front to the whole school?!"

"Audrey... please..."

"I knew it. You hated me all along."

He had no choice. "Audrey, she spelled me."

"What?!"

"A love potion."

"See, what did I tell you?! I told you they're evil. Out to get us." She paused. "Did it wear off?"

"Yes."

She brightened. "So you're breaking up with her and coming back to me?"

He stopped.

And realized what he was about to do.

"No," he replied softly.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. If you liked it, please leave a review. If you didn't like it, you can leave a review anyway, if you'd like :)**

 **I live for reviews! (Lol not really, but who doesn't like to get reviews?!)**

 **-FlatFox**


	9. Chapter 9

**FlatFox presents... Chapter 9...**

* * *

He was sitting at his desk working on chemistry homework.

His mind kept wandering to Audrey. How she had crumpled when he had told her he wasn't going to go back to her. He couldn't get her sobs out of his head. They haunted him continuously.

There was a knock at the door. Ben started, and then called, "Come in."

His father stormed into the room. "Audrey just told me Mal spelled you."

"Yes," Ben began carefully.

"But once you found out, you still decided to date Maleficant's daughter?! They should be sent back to the Isle immediately!" he growled.

"Dad..."

"I thought you were a king. I was so wrong about you. You're already making foolish choices, boy. You are not an adult." He whirled around and stomped out, slamming the door behind him.

Ben collapsed in anguish. His own father didn't believe in him. It ripped a hole in his heart and left an ache so deep it physically hurt.

He wondered if there was a knife in his room.

Maybe that would help ease the pain.

A memory of Carlos's scarred arms flashed through his mind and a dry sob escaped his lips.

Worthless.

Maybe that's what he was, too.

He was certainly failing at being king.

Audrey.

He had hurt her so much.

His father

his own father

didn't believe in him.

Worthless.

worthless

Suddenly he had a knife.

He rolled up his sleeve.

Held it over his arm.

breathing ragged

pain

so

deep

* * *

 **If you liked it, please leave a review and let me know why. I love feedback :)**

 **If you didn't like, you can still review :)**

 **-FlatFox**


	10. Chapter 10

**Trigger warnings.**

* * *

He sat there.

Motionless.

The knife hovering over his arm.

The pain in his mind throbbing though his whole body.

His arm

So white.

So smooth.

Completely clean.

Of scars.

Of pain.

It was calling to him.

He wanted to slash open his arm.

Watch it bleed

Red blood

His hand was shaking

He needed to

needed

the pain

The effort to not press down

slash

blood

He was frozen

Too scared to move

The knife over his arm

He needed to

He was going to give in

He couldn't

hold out

It fell from his hand

and he collapsed

It was over.

* * *

 **Did I say it all wrong? Let me know in the reviews.**

 **All reviews are welcome and appreciated. Please let me know what you thought!**

 **-FlatFox**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! It's been a bit... I just didn't have any ideas.**

 **This is just a transitional chapter. It's short, I know, but the next chapter will make up for it, I hope.**

* * *

He never did figure out how he had managed to not give in that day.

His arms were still smooth.

Scarless.

Again, he thought of Carlos's arms.

The hundreds of scars haunted him.

Then he realized he had never seen Mal's and Evie's bare arms.

He wondered...

* * *

 **Now what do I have in mind for the next chapter ? ;) Hmm...**

 **Lol please leave a review :)**

 **-FlatFox**

 **P.S. Just to clarify, this story does not contain Benlos. Never meant to be, never will be.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here is Chapter 13. I hope it makes up sufficiently for the last tiny chapter.**

 **I apologize for the re-posting. For some reason this chapter isn't showing up.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Trigger warnings.**

* * *

Family day had started out well, but it went downhill from there.

It was Audrey, of course, who had started it and suddenly Chad was out cold and the VKs were backing away defensively. Ben didn't know what to do.

But then his father was there, looking down at him condescendingly.

"This isn't their fault," Ben pleeded with his father.

His father looked at him with a look of disgust, causing pain to shoot through Ben. "You're right, son. It's yours." His parents turned and left.

It hurt. Much more than last time.

His parents had left him.

Abandoned him.

They hadn't even given him any help.

They just left.

Scorning him for his inability to rule the kingdom at 17.

His breathing came in sharp breaths.

Trying not to cry.

Because he had never felt so alone.

Abandoned.

Everyone walked away.

Leaving him to do what he thought was right.

Criticizing his every move.

No one cared.

He straightened and caught a glimpse of the VKs out of the corner of his eyes. He felt he needed to say something to them.

He walked over to their table. They looked just about how he felt. "I promise, after the corrination everything will be better," he told them, hoping it would be true.

"I have to go," he whispered to Mal. She nodded.

He did not go back to the party. He went to his room and determindly found the knife.

And before he knew what was happening, he'd drawn the knife over his hip, leaving a small gash.

He watched it. Curious.

It began to bleed, slowly.

The stinging feeling was calming, and he focused in on it. The sensation calmed him and he suddenly felt a little better about everything.

Life would go on.

He could go on.

* * *

 **If you read this please leave a review and let me know what you think. Anything you say about it is appreciated :)**

 **I bet now every time you see that scene you'll think of what happens after he leaves the VKs! Muahahahaaaa!**

 **-FlatFox**


	13. Chapter 13

**Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

Life went on as usual.

The stinging faded.

It was almost easy to forget what he had done.

Except it haunted the back of his mind.

Guilt.

And desire.

Wrapped into one awful feeling.

He wanted to do it again.

Escape the pain.

He felt so alone.

No one understood.

No one could understand the pressure of being king at 17.

Even his father didn't seem to care.

No one noticed that he barely ate anymore.

No one noticed anything beyond his false cheerful front he put up to keep everyone away.

No one could see it.

He was angry.

Angry with the people around him.

Angry with the world.

No one cared.

The morning of his coronation, he woke up dreading the day.

He woke up

cut another gash into his hip.

and skipped breakfast.

He did not deserve to eat.

* * *

 **Please leave a review and tell me what you think.**

 **(I mean, come on... I gave you a present by posting another chapter... You could give me a present in return, by reviewing!)**

 **-FlatFox**


	14. Chapter 14

Ben stood waiting, ready to walk down the isle.

Ready to be crowned king.

And he had never felt so alone.

Did he really have any friends?

The question haunted him.

He tried.

But did they care?

Did they truly care?

Everyone took his presence for granted.

They never noticed anything behind the kind smiling face.

Who were his friends?

No one.

There was no one.

The doors opened

And he was walking down the isle.

Walking towards his father.

Walking towards the crown.

Walking towards his doom.

He felt numb.

Like his world was ending.

His life was ending

One of the worst fates he could ever face.

Becoming king.

And yet he went on

Always onward

Towards the inevidable

Towards his doom.

* * *

 **As always, reviews are appreciated. Thank you for reading :)**

 **-FlatFox**


	15. Chapter 15

**Possible trigger warnings.**

 **I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

Ben did not eat at his own coronation celebration.

The emptiness consumed him, making him feel sick.

He felt weak.

He just barely kept up with the dancing.

He felt so exhausted.

When the pain subsided a little, he nibbled on a brownie and waited.

The pain came back and he nearly gasped aloud.

The pain was intense.

He focused in on it.

Enjoying the feeling.

The feeling of emptiness.

Both wonderful

and horrible.

The hollowness wore at him.

It hurt.

It physically hurt.

He told himself he deserved this pain.

Deserved to be hungry.

A punishment for not being good enough.

* * *

 **Please review and let me know your thoughts.**

 **-FlatFox**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys... I know it's been a while but I haven't been inspired. Sorry about that...**

* * *

He couldn't play do sports anymore. He couldn't keep up. The thought made him sad, but that afternoon he made an appointment with Coach Jenkins.

"Coach, I can't play anymore."

Coach Jenkins looked sad, but nodded. "I noticed you haven't been playing well. Is there anything wrong?"

"I just have so many responsibilities. I'm not getting as much sleep as I used to..." he trailed off hoping he would press for answers.

"Well, I respect your decision, but any time you want to re-join, let me know."

"I will." Ben stood and Coach Jenkins did the same. "Thank you for your time," Ben told him, shaking his hand firmly, smiling.

"No problem."

It was done.

* * *

 **Please leave a review! Also, I am now taking suggestions for this story (no guarantees I will use them).**

 **-FlatFox**


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